Rainy Day Activities For Bored Kids!!! By Daddy Drinks!

rainy day craft

If you Google, “rainy day activities for kids” you’ll get a ton of suggestions from Pinterest Parents like, “design your own cooperative learning board game!” Or “build your own theater stage and puppets using only up-cycled materials!” Or my favorite, “make your own paper!”

Fuck you Pinterest. I don’t want to make my own paper.

I’m sure there are thousands of wholesome, nurturing ideas out there where your kids can spend an entire rainy afternoon expressing their feelings through leaf and stick art. A small part of me wishes I were a Pinterest Parent who kept drawers of popsicle sticks, egg crates and scraps of whimsical fabric on hand so we could make a “real working miniature windmill farm” when the mood strikes us, but apparently, I’m not that kind of parent. The only time I’m ever going to suggest we “make our own clothes!” is if the outlet mall down the road catches fire. I don’t care how many exclamation points you put behind the parenting tip, I’m not gonna “turn used toilet paper rolls into rainy day robots!”

But I do have some great rainy day ideas for the other kind of parents out there. The kind of parents who often find themselves justifying the decision to order Chinese takeout instead of cooking at home. (For the record: Ordering Chinese isn’t just a meal, it’s a cultural experience.) The kind of parents who maybe have to get a little fucking work done while they watch their kids on a rainy day. The kind of parents who want to track down all of those Pinterest over achievers and tie knots in their yarn supply.

So here you go, here are the four most common rainy day activities that take place at Casa de Daddy Drinks.

Poke Each Other In The Eye

The great thing about this activity, is you don’t have to buy a bunch of expensive materials. Most kids already have everything they need to do it—two eyes and one finger. The way my kids play it, is they get into a fight over something really, really important, like who’s taking up more room on the couch, and then one of them pokes the other one in the eye. It seems to settle the argument pretty quickly. You’d think this activity wouldn’t take up that much time, but you’d be surprised how often my kids can play this simple game. Over and over, all throughout the day. Plus, it often leads to an auxiliary rainy day craft: “Make your own eye patches!”

Argue Over Which Episode Of Barbie To Watch

First, if you’re not binge watching Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse on Netflix, your life is empty. You may not know your life is empty, but trust me, there’s a big damn whole in your soul that only Barbie can fill. This is easily the best-written show on TV. Barbie and her friends exist in this bizarre, post-modern plane of existence where they’re oddly self aware about their limited, but fabulous nature as dolls. Hilarity ensues.

So yeah, my kids argue over which episode to watch (“Amaze Chase” or “Bad Hair Day”). Then someone gets poked in the eye.

Yell!

It can be tempting to set your kids up with an activity and then let them play alone while you take care of neglected housework, or try to meet a deadline, or hate-ogle Pinterest. But I’m a firm believer in interacting with your children. Yelling has become our go-to activity on rainy days! The best part of this activity, is that there are so many reasons to yell at your children. Here are few ideas to get you started:

1) Did your kids eat all of their lunch? Really? All of it?

2) Where do they put their shoes after they take them off?

3) Are they poking each other in the eye too much?

Butt Wrestling

This is a lot like thumb wrestling, except the kids use their butts to wrestle instead of their thumbs. Here’s how you play: Two kids get in the center of the carpet, facing away from each other, bent over and balancing on their hands and feet. They then proceed to try to knock each other over with their butts.

The kids came up with this one on their own, and there doesn’t seem to be any clear winner or loser in the battle. Just a lot of giggling and probably some therapy bills down the road. Oh, and both kids have to make light saber noises throughout the entire battle. Every time one of them lands a butt strike, light saber noise. That’s the only rule I can discern. It sounds ridiculous, but this is the happiest my kids have been today. And it’s the only time they weren’t poking each other in the eye.

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Daddy Drinks on Paste

soccer booze long

Alright, so I took about a year off from this little project where I systematically embarrass my wife and children. I could say I was busy with work, but let’s be honest–I spent most of the year binge watching retro episodes of My Little Pony and G.I. Joe. I’m kicking it back into gear, though, starting with a regular column at Paste Magazine, where I’m the Drink Editor (see, I do have a job. Sort of.)

Check out the first installment where I talk about the need to drink while chaperoning school field trips. Share it with your friends. Tell my boss how much you love it. If you have constructive criticism, please send it directly to the complaint department, which can be reached at suckit@gmail.com.

Thanks for sticking with me. Stay tuned for more updates and shenanigans.