There’s No Such Thing as Stranger Danger Anymore
At the playground, kids you don’t know will come up to you and tell you the most interesting facts. Like, “My mommy didn’t have a husband when I was born.”
Who says kids don’t share?
Within a two minute conversation with this little girl (we’ll call her Ansel, because that was her name), I learned that she’s moving to Alabama, her dad could be one of three different gentlemen, and she likes apples. She could eat a whole bucket of them.
Of course, it makes me wonder what “facts” my kids are telling random people around town. “Sometimes daddy likes to give mommy special hugs.” or “My daddy says he writes articles but he just watches cartoons all day.” or “we had chocolate cake for breakfast.”
I suppose it’s only a matter of time before my kids out me for the half-ass parent that I really am.
Have your kids ever outed you in a big or small way?
Daddy Drinks 
Not yet (that I know of) but I’m bracing for it.
Just last week, while my husband and I were in Bermuda and the grandparents were babysitting, my son told Grandma we bought her two bottles of her favorite wine because we didn’t want her to drink our “good stuff” LOL!!!!
Awesome! Exactly what every grandparent secretly suspects.
I am a teacher and the other day at snack time, one girl said “I have a juice box today.” The second girl opened her bad and pulled out a Capri Sun and said “I have a juice bag.” Then the little boy with them said “Don’t say juice bag. My sister said that to my dad last night and he slapped the s#!t out of her!”
I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even say anything about the curse word.
it’s moments like that that make teaching worth while, right?
Holy shit! That takes honesty to the next level.
In a presentation my first grade daughter had to do to introduce her parents to the class, she had to give two interesting facts: For me: Daddy likes beer and walks around in his underwear. For my wife: Mommy likes wine better and has stinky farts.
When our daughter was 2 or 3, we were visiting some extended family that we were not very close to. My husband took her upstairs to the bathroom. When they came back down, she proudly announced that she had used the bathroom and so had Daddy. One of the women said, “Well, good. Did Daddy wash his hands?” She got this stricken look on her face and then said, “No!” Everyone in the room died laughing and I was bright pink.
One time when my oldest was three, we were waiting in the playroom at my wife’s OBGYN for her final sonogram and tests before her delivery date. He walked into the main lobby and shared a toy with a random family, and told him that he was excited that day. “Are you going to get a new little brother or sister,” the sweet old grandma-looking lady asked. “Yes, it’s going to be a brother,” he said very proudly. “The doctor showed me a picture of his junk!” The guys in the group were laughing, and the grandma was horrified. “Did he just say ‘junk’?” “Yes m’am. He did. That’s a word we use at our house for ‘boy parts’.”
I always say own it if you did it.
Oh goodness…you are definitely over the top this time!
When my son was barely 3, we were almost hit by a car. I let out a giant, “What the f@^)” When we arrived at my mom’s house, the first words out of his mouth were, “Grandma, Mommy said, ‘What the f@^)'” My parents were shocked.
My 5 year old was being called out by her principal for not wearing socks to school [a severe dress code violation, evidently] and my daughter told her, “my mommy won’t let me wear socks with my Toms because she says it looks silly.”
But I was 20 when I first learned how badly kids can bust you. I was a nanny and one day, out of the clear blue sky, my ten-year old charge looked at me and said, “my mom married [my stepdad] for money.” It was an epiphany if I’ve ever had one.
When my daughter started talking, she liked to say the world F@#k only in 2 places. Riding on her plastic car or in her car seat… Took me a while to figure out it was my road rage talking! Luckily she never busted me with the grandparents… Fastest time ever to let go of that habit!