Inspirational Messages (and other bulls$#!)

I hit rock bottom today and almost bought a journal with inspirational messages in it. You know, a leather-bound, important looking book with messages printed at the top of each page like, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.–Wayne Gretzky”, or  “A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.–Francis Bacon.”

Maybe I’m jaded, but I have little patience for inspirational messages. Who has the energy for inspiration? You know what gets me motivated? Coffee. Eight hours of sleep. My wife naked. The mortgage. That’s about it.

What can I say? I’m a simple man with simple needs.

So screw you, Sir Francis Bacon. I don’t need your inspiring quips.

Now, what I do love, are misspelled inspirational messages. Like this beautiful little nugget on my coffee cup. Right on the lip of the cup, it reads, “Love the Momet.”

It’s my favorite mug. I love to sip my coffee in the morning and wonder, “what’s a momet?” (I put the emphasis on the “e”). I picture the momet as a cute, furry animal with a blonde stripe down its back. Maybe it was was prized for its pelt by Germanic tribes during the 15th century.

But in the spirit of posters with kittens hanging on trees, I’ve come up with my own inspirational messages for other parents with young children. When times get tough, (you know, around 6pm every freaking night) just think about one of these gems.

1)    Money can’t buy love. But ice cream can.

2)     Take a deep breath. They’ll be in public school soon. Then they’re the city’s problem.

3)     Somewhere, some scientist is working on a study that claims Vodka is a superfood.

4)     You can’t beat your children. But subtle manipulation using the promise of Disney cartoons and M&M’s? There’s no law against that. 

27 thoughts on “Inspirational Messages (and other bulls$#!)

  1. Your messages are so insightful, inspirational, and all around TRUE. When is the leather booklet full of them going to be for sale?

  2. I don’t know about a study for Vodka, but Kentucky Bourbon is loaded with antioxidants. I think. Maybe. Even if that’s not right, it’s okay to believe. You’ll feel better, either way.

  3. When you bought that coffee cup, did you haggle down the price because of the type-o? Or did you offer to pay more for the privilege of owning it?

  4. Your words are true! I’m not a fan of inspirational quotes myself because if I haven’t already put effort into something, I don’t want it. Happy little “you can do it’s” aren’t going to get me there and neither are those stupid facebook picture quotes. However, I would buy a book of your sayings. I feel like as long as alcohol can be mixed with some sort of juice- it’s considered part of a food group. Bloody mary=vegetables. Screwdrivers= fruit. The logic is sound.

  5. I reblogged this without your permission. If you want me to take it down, I will…. eventually. However, you should know that I’ve never re-blogged anything which is a testament to how much I enjoyed and share your feelings about inspirational quotes.

  6. Pingback: Versatile, Versatile…I Wanna Get Versatile! | Dawn of April

  7. “You can’t beat your children. But subtle manipulation using the promise of Disney cartoons and M&M’s? There’s no law against that.”
    Haha! I love that. 🙂

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