I hit rock bottom today and almost bought a journal with inspirational messages in it. You know, a leather-bound, important looking book with messages printed at the top of each page like, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.–Wayne Gretzky”, or “A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.–Francis Bacon.”
Maybe I’m jaded, but I have little patience for inspirational messages. Who has the energy for inspiration? You know what gets me motivated? Coffee. Eight hours of sleep. My wife naked. The mortgage. That’s about it.
What can I say? I’m a simple man with simple needs.
So screw you, Sir Francis Bacon. I don’t need your inspiring quips.
Now, what I do love, are misspelled inspirational messages. Like this beautiful little nugget on my coffee cup. Right on the lip of the cup, it reads, “Love the Momet.”
It’s my favorite mug. I love to sip my coffee in the morning and wonder, “what’s a momet?” (I put the emphasis on the “e”). I picture the momet as a cute, furry animal with a blonde stripe down its back. Maybe it was was prized for its pelt by Germanic tribes during the 15th century.
But in the spirit of posters with kittens hanging on trees, I’ve come up with my own inspirational messages for other parents with young children. When times get tough, (you know, around 6pm every freaking night) just think about one of these gems.
1) Money can’t buy love. But ice cream can.
2) Take a deep breath. They’ll be in public school soon. Then they’re the city’s problem.
3) Somewhere, some scientist is working on a study that claims Vodka is a superfood.
4) You can’t beat your children. But subtle manipulation using the promise of Disney cartoons and M&M’s? There’s no law against that.
Daddy Drinks 
i think i really must get me a momet!
Your messages are so insightful, inspirational, and all around TRUE. When is the leather booklet full of them going to be for sale?
Love these. And yeah, suppertime can be a real you-know-what.
I don’t know about a study for Vodka, but Kentucky Bourbon is loaded with antioxidants. I think. Maybe. Even if that’s not right, it’s okay to believe. You’ll feel better, either way.
I’m willing to believe it. and if enough people believe something, then it’s true by default.
i’m in.
When you bought that coffee cup, did you haggle down the price because of the type-o? Or did you offer to pay more for the privilege of owning it?
I stole it. Stealing inspirational coffee mugs is the only way I truly feel alive.
I’m inspired! I’d also like to add my personal favourite inspirational quote… “Whatever doesn’t kill you, might permanently maim or weaken you!”
Cheers!
Your words are true! I’m not a fan of inspirational quotes myself because if I haven’t already put effort into something, I don’t want it. Happy little “you can do it’s” aren’t going to get me there and neither are those stupid facebook picture quotes. However, I would buy a book of your sayings. I feel like as long as alcohol can be mixed with some sort of juice- it’s considered part of a food group. Bloody mary=vegetables. Screwdrivers= fruit. The logic is sound.
Graham, I heard you are a closet “Chicken Soup” fanatic!
Never! I won’t allow that smut in my house.
ahaha awesome. i hate inspirational messages too.
“money can’t buy love but ice cream can” is the story of my life.
Reblogged this on dirtyrottenparenting and commented:
Today I am sharing a post by Daddy Drinks. He’s a damn funny guy, and I would like to officially support his stance on inspirational quotes.
I reblogged this without your permission. If you want me to take it down, I will…. eventually. However, you should know that I’ve never re-blogged anything which is a testament to how much I enjoyed and share your feelings about inspirational quotes.
That’s great. Thanks for sharing the Daddy Drinks scripture. I appreciate you reading the blog and passing it on.
But if things do have to come to blows, always stick to the body so as to avoid suspicions from those meddling CPS folks…
Reblogged this on straykatstrut and commented:
I want a momet now. A momet with a cute, little blonde stripe down it’s back.
Agreed. We like to call the 6 pm hour the ‘witching hour.’ Vodka is a superfood. It makes mommy super happy! hahaha
“Take a deep breath. They’ll be in public school soon. Then they’re the city’s problem.” – This’ll help me thru the next two years ❤
Momet:
-a ghost town in Pottawatomomie county, Oklahoma
-an orchid moisture meter
-an Emiritian photographer
-a tired mama on a google binge :)-
Well I’m feeling inspired now! 🙂
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You make me wish I had kids just so I could use you as a manual on parenting! Great stuff
Hilarious, hilarious stuff. Love your blog, and congrats on the award.
“You can’t beat your children. But subtle manipulation using the promise of Disney cartoons and M&M’s? There’s no law against that.”
Haha! I love that. 🙂
Love this blog, it is so funny!! Thanks for the laughs. I also enjoy visiting the links you provide. We already get Blue Ridge Outdoors. Press on!!