I became a little teary eyed during a commercial for a combination steamer/vacuum this morning. It was just so beautiful. Not only does this product vacuum up all the crap your kids leave behind, it “sanitizes the floor with steam” at the same time. The woman using it said so. And she looked so happy.
My emotional response to this commercial means that the transition from dude to house wife is almost complete. The next time you see me in public, I’ll probably be wearing Jeggings and a little tipsy from too much afternoon Chardonnay.
I thought about trying to fight the transformation by doing some pushups or hitting a strip club, but who has the energy anymore? And let’s face it: I’m more comfortable discussing the latest episode of Fashion Star with the other moms at the park than I am talking football with my dude friends. So I’ve decided to embrace it. I can’t wait until the kids are a little older and I can spend my days reading vampire/werewolf books written for teenage girls.
Now, a quick reading of this blog might lead you to believe that I’m saying all housewives are poorly dressed, slightly drunk devotees of crappy vampire lit and reality TV. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying the most fun housewives are poorly dressed, slightly drunk devotees of crappy vampire lit and reality TV. Ladies, you know who you are. Keep it real. Never change.
Wait, can I even use the term “housewife” anymore? Probably not. I bet it was retired along with “stewardess” and “secretary.”
Personally, I like the sound of “houseman.” It’s a little bit degrading, but a little bit naughty, too. Sure, your houseman cleans your gutters, but he also cleans your gutters, if you know what I mean. (Wink, wink)
Several of my friends were “houseboys” for sororities in college. They cooked, did a little cleaning of the massive Southern mansions the girls lived in, and had a lot of sex with the residents. None of them seemed to complain about the “houseboy” title.
Viva la “houseboy”!
Great post – funny. I’m guessing you will soon become conversant regarding soaps and find The View fascinating.
I’m not sure that even I can handle The View. I spent a lot of time as a kid watching General Hospital though. Is that still on?
It is. My wife watches it regularly. I confess I am familiar with the plotlines and know the names of many of the characters. However, I watch it for the women – really!
If you need to ease yourself into teenage vampire novels, start with watching Vampire Diaries or Secret Circle. If you get an e-reader, no one knows what you are reading. Until you start grabbing books of the teen section of the book store and handing them to people with the command that they must read this book right now. Most are creeped out but some do buy.
Dude, I am totally hooked on Vampire Diaries. I’m happy to say I’ve gotten three different grown men with families addicted to that show as well. I’m like a CW pusher.
Secret Circle is really good too. It revolves around a coven of teen witches. Some episodes are so scary that the hair on my arms stood on end. Oh, and some of the witches are really trashy and I like that, too.