Thing That Pisses Me Off Today: Single Serve Napkin Dispensers. Those stingy, waste-reducing contraptions that only allow you to get one goddamned napkin at a time. In theory, I love them. Who doesn’t want to save the planet and all that crap? But in reality, I’m eating out with two five year olds who were obviously raised by monkeys because they think utensils are only for stabbing and show their emotions by throwing food. I’m gonna need a rain-forest worth of napkins here people. A rain forest. And if ketchup is involved with the meal (and let’s be honest, ketchup is always involved with the meal) you may as well go ahead and bring out the hose.